What i wrote for Nic years ago and what i wrote for him a week after he passed away. (read by Izzy at the service)

I found this about a week ago, it was a present I had written for Nic when I was about 9 or 10 and I thought I’d read it here today:

I don't really know what to make you, so I will write some stuff about you i really like.

You're like someone to look up to, you have always been. You dont go to the Park anymore but when you did you could make any boring game fun. You write great stories when you do write. You are the only one I want to fight when we are having our battles. You are not like other teenagers and for that I am grateful.

I like your sense of humor, I like your kindness. When I’m with you I feel I am protected. I feel I can tell you about what pisses me off in life.

I hope that all sisters are as lucky as I am to have a brother like you.

Happy Birthday Nick,

Love, Lizzie

After Nic died I thought to myself, if it was his Birthday, what would I write to him now?

So I wrote it and here it is:

So Nic, I think we grew a bit apart. It was nobody’s fault, we just naturally started down different paths and liking different things. We stopped having much in common. I still liked star wars and you moved on to World of WarCraft.

For a while it was like that. That distance between us and when mom died it changed things and brought us closer. But we still weren’t the same as we used to be, still not quite the bond we used to have, and so, in some weird way, I can say thank you to all that has happened, because even though it is one of the most painful things on this planet to see someone you love die, your illness made us close again, and we found new things we have in common, like all of us snuggled in on the couch watching True Blood or you and I staying up way too late watching Entourage. Or our long talks about mom and death and healing.

I got to know you again and I am so grateful. Even though I miss you Nic I am grateful and even though I miss making you breakfast and helping to take care of you, it makes me so happy to know you are with mom and that I don’t have to miss you forever because someday I’ll be with you guys too.

So to clarify,

I still love everything about you,

I still look up to you,

and I still know how lucky I am to have a brother like you.

Love, Izzy